I’ve decided to give up hating my body.
I say that as if it’s an obsession and addiction that I need to get rid of… And I suppose, it is.
You see for a while now I’ve hated my body and how I look. And why? Because I had an idea of the kind of perfection I wanted to be. But I was far from it. The perfection I strove for was an impossibility.
I was obsessed with looking in the mirror and counting every flaw. I was addicted to the pain of telling myself that I was ugly and worthless.
But now, that has to stop.
Now, I have to get over this addiction, and start living.
How can we live life if our vindictive self loathing stops us? How can we live when we’re afraid to go out and be viewed by judging eyes? Living in self hatred is not a way to live. And so maybe, just maybe, we should live with and love the body that’s been given to us. No amount of hatred or self-given bad words will change our bodies, so why spend time doing so? Why not accept ourselves and just move on?
I now fully accept that my stomach will always be bigger than the rest of me, and that will never change. On the other end of the spectrum, I accept that my collarbone will always jut out, and that’s fine too, whatever. I accept that I probably won’t ever wear vest tops because they don’t suit me – and that’s okay, there’s more clothes out there that do. I accept that my pale skin accentuates my cellulite, because everyone has it. I accept that my toes are kind of alien like, but I’m going to wear my damn birkenstocks anyway.
And ever since I’ve accepted my body exactly the way it is, I’ve started living. My thought processes aren’t blocked with self-loathing, making way for my love of writing to come back in full force. I’ve been able to wear a swimsuit on the beach and actually swim in the sea for the first time in six years. I’ve been able to wear things I’ve been too afraid of wearing before.
But the main thing that’s happened, is that I’ve finally realised…
We are our own kind of perfect.
Everyone’s body is completely different, and that is beautiful. There is not one kind of perfection that everyone must try to be, instead we must be our own. Because we are all perfect.
I mean, is there really any point in having an ideal of beauty when every body is different? Love yourself and accept every single flaw, because believe me, our lives are far too short to worry. Use your perfect body for what it’s worth – use it to love, to feel, to bring life, to do everything in your life you want to do.
Strip down to your bikini and swim in the sea. Life is too short to not feel the waves lapping on your skin or the sun radiate on your face. You owe it to your beautiful body to do what it wants to do and to treat it well. Let go of your fear and your low self esteem and use your body to live. Remember that your body is simply there to contain your soul and let your young spirit do what it wants to do.
And it’ll be hard to accept your flaws. It will take a while, it’s taken me 22 years and I’m still not completely there yet. But you will. Because you are special. And to those who may be reading this and thinking ‘I can’t love myself until I change my body’, I dare you to stop thinking that. Love yourself exactly as you are, right now, and then change your body because you love it and you want it to be healthy. Changing is not the way to loving yourself, you have to love yourself before you start a positive change. Just think, once your body issues are out of your mind, it creates more space for happy thoughts, and the rest will fall into place.
You’re special, you’re perfect, you’re you.