I feel like if you stop something for long enough, starting up again becomes something incredibly scary.
I think that’s what’s happened with me and blogging. It’s probably around a year now that my blog started to dwindle (don’t be fooled by the previous posts that say they were done in October…I was just cheeky and moved some things around), but for most of that time I’ve been wanting to get back to it.
I just haven’t.
There’s been reasons. I’m a lot busier than I used to be, and it’s actually pretty rare for me to go on my laptop after work nowadays. I haven’t really been feeling overly creative. I’ve struggled to know just how I’d want this blog to go if I did start again. Yadda yadda yadda…
But really, the main reason is that I’ve been a bit fearful.
Have I fallen out of the game? Is there actually a game? And if there is, should there be? What if I’ve been gone so long that no one ever reads this blog ever again? Am I good enough? Am I relevant?
Enough is enough really.
The thing with fear is that it’s all in the mind. Fear isn’t actually an object that you carry around in your bag. And so it’s up to you to get through it, to push away from the imaginative person who’s pulling you back and telling you not to carry on.
There’s been so many things I’ve been afraid of, but I’ve pushed through it and come out the other end. Leaving home to go to uni, trying new jobs, starting a blog in the first place. And there’s also been times I’ve pushed through it and it hasn’t really worked out. Like when I tried to go to the top of Petrin Tower in Prague and ended up crying on the floor because heights just aren’t my forte. Apologies to Joe for the mini breakdown in front of everyone haha.
But what’s life without trying? I like to live my life by cliches so here goes – better to try and fail than not try at all. I’ve been thinking about starting blogging again for so long, it would be crazy not to just try again.
Maybe I’ll post this and swiftly delete it a few hours later, which has happened a few times now. Or I’ll post this and keep chugging on, posting when I can and trying to get back into the swing of things. Either way, thank fuck I tried.